Fashion's "Hall of Shame"

When I want a good laugh, I browse through fashion sites to see what they’re passing off as fashion these days for the well-heeled. Better yet, I tune in to an award show like the BAFTAs or the Academy Awards to see how truly distasteful dressing can be.

Proof that even if you have all the money in the world, and a stylist, you can still look ridiculous or worse, on the red carpet. For most of us, simply walking down the street in one of the aforementioned items can make jaws drop…though not for the right reasons.

Please understand, there is so much beautiful fashion in almost every price category. Where most people go wrong is in not taking a critical look at what they’re wearing, independent of anyone’s opinion, then deciding if it’s flattering on them or not. I tell my clients, it can look great on a hanger or in a box but how does it look on you?

This is the “Hall of Shame” of fashion, if you will. Bad choices or what not to wear to lighten up those “will winter ever end?” blues.

Take women’s shoes with a price tag over $1000 by makers like Jimmy Choo, Bottega Veneta, Manolo Blanik, Ferragamo, Gucci, Miu Miu and other high-end brands. Let’s see what’s available in ‘never be caught dead in’ shoes in what I refer to as the high-ticket price category (at least for shoes).

Remember, just because they’re pricey doesn’t mean they’re a great find.

There is Ferragamo’s Lipa Crystal Ankle Strap starting at a whopping, $1350.00 These sandals might work if you’re going to a clown show but otherwise, hold off on this buy unless you want to hear them gasp when they get a glimpse of these puppies.

How about the horsey Gucci Signora Horsebit Pumps for $1180, aptly named for the clumsy clodhoppers they are.

Prada’s Cage Wedge Sandal at $1290, is so ho-hum I would have thought they’d be overpriced at $69. Bottega Veneta’s Astaire Mary Jane (where do they get these names) would make even a school girl wince if she looked down.

What’s worse is Fendi’s, Arco Slingback Sandal at $1150, with its chunky angled heel and mismatched color blocks. These lopsided shoes look like they have a personality disorder.

I’ll admit, I’ve never seen anything like Ferragamo’s Soft Beaded Kitten Heel at a cool $1250, a black mule with what looks like an oversized alien lifeform or water creature sprouting from its vamp. A thin, curved heel in the middle of the sole resembles a golden noodle and yes, it’s an accident waiting to happen.

When it comes to outerwear, I ask you, would you wear Dolce & Gabbana’s Genuine Shearling Lined Denim Trucker Jacket at a cool $9,245? Did something feral die on its collar?

What about Valentino Garvani’s Heart Embroidered Denim Jeans at $4,400? The little gold hearts embroidered all over these jeans would be more suitable for a four year-old’s closet.

How about this button-up uniform jacket in black denim for $3690 by Akris? Instead

of paying homage to a WWII military uniform, it is a military uniform. Ugly then, and ugly now.

Do you like exposed seams, I mean, lots of exposed seams? Then you’ll love this Balmain Short Jacquard Knit Dress with Denim Effect at a mere $2890.  The seamstress may have been on something when she made this one, and the designer…I wouldn’t be surprised.   

My “Hall of Shame” list would not be complete without this little number by Issey Miyake priced at $1100. Obscure Pleats Dress, is a multi-colored collarless accordion of a polyester pullover shift dress that looks like someone grabbed it out of the trash after a paint spill.  

Finally, in the mood for a little meringue? Then Prada’s Sleeveless Technical Voile Dress in pink (they call it rosa) may be right for you at the bargain price of just $8,800.

Seriously friends, to avoid these and other questionable fashion choices, book a complimentary hour of fashion styling with our fashion editor by contacting Velvet Journal at info@velvetjournal.com.